A mild drama ensued at the Presidential Villa at Aso Rock following conference call between the incumbent President Jonathan and two former Heads of State. Sources privy to the conversation reported that the President emerged from the conference call “perplexed” following major discoveries related to conspiracies at the highest echelons of power in the nation. - Full transcript:
Aso Rock Operator: President Obasanjo and President Babangida please hold for the President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria His Excellency Dr. Goodluck Ebele Jonathan.
Obasanjo: Besides the UN, the White House and Downing Street, this is the only other place on earth where they put me on hold.
Babangida: (laughing) You still call the White House?
Obasanjo: I try to keep in touch with Obama now.
Babangida: He will be lucky to keep his job next year.
Jonathan: Good evening Your Excellencies.
Obasanjo and Babangida simultaneously: Mr. President
Jonathan: General Babangida please accept my condolences and that of the nation again over the death of Rear Admiral Aikhomu. He served this nation gallantly, and we all appreciate his service, and we pray for eternal rest for his soul.
Babangida: Thank you Mr. President. It is the will of Allah.
Obasanjo: It is God’s will. Aikhomu was a great man. May his soul rest in peace.
Obasanjo: So why did you call us Mr. President?
Jonathan: I have read reports about your recent exchanges in the media, and to be honest, I am concerned that it is not in the best interest of the nation to have to two of her elite citizens engaging in such a war of words.
Obasanjo: Who is engaging in a war of words? So you don’t even know what is going on Mr. President?
Jonathan: I really don’t. I think the language has been unfortunate.
Babangida: (laughing) Mr. President we are just having fun.
Jonathan: Having fun? How if I may ask?
Obasanjo: See this boy oh? Have you not noticed that since your election we have become irrelevant?
Babangida: Yes. Irrelevant. Nobody remembers that we exist. Even Buhari gets occasional coverage in the media because of the tribunal.
Obasanjo: So we just decided to take advantage of IBB’s birthday to remind Nigerians that we are still here.
Jonathan: I see. But don’t you think it is extreme to call each other fools?
Obasanjo and Babangida burst out laughing
Obasanjo: Who is calling who a fool. IBB please educate him.
Babangida: We have been speaking in codes Mr. President. Just as we speak in codes to Nigerians.
Jonathan: Speak in codes to Nigerians?
Obasanjo: Yes now. What do you think FELLOW Nigerians means?
Babangida bursts out laughing.
Jonathan: What else could it mean?
Obasanjo joins Babangida in laughter
Babandiga: Fools Encouraging Legendary Levels Of Waste.
Obasanjo: Government has been wasting their money now and they seem to encourage it since they have decided not to do anything about it.
Jonathan: I am speechless.
Babangida: OBJ, so he has been saying FELLOW Nigerians without knowing the meaning.
Obasanjo: He is a civilian now. How will he know?
Jonathan: So I assume FOOL is also a code?
Obasanjo: It was our plan. We have been speaking in codes. IBB started it by calling me a FAILURE.
Babangida: FAILURE was our first code word. OBJ knows the meaning.
Obasanjo: FAILURE simply means; “For Agreed Intent Lieutenant Urges Rift Engagement.” That was when I called him a FOOL. IBB knows the meaning.
Babangida: FOOL simply means; “Fire On Old Lieutenant.” Then I called him a BIGGER FOOL.
Obasanjo: BIGGER FOOL simply means; “Better Imagine Greater Gripes Entering Rift Fire On Old Lieutenant.” I am still deciding whether to allow greater gripes to enter the “rift.”
Jonathan: This is interesting. I kind of like it. And I can see Nigerians have been enjoying it. I was only concerned about the language, but now I get it. I am interested in joining this game.
Obasanjo: You want to join in fooling Nigerians?
Jonathan: The nation needs something to distract them from single tenure and boko haram, and I think you guys are doing that efficiently.
Obasanjo: I always knew you had it in you.
Babangida: I told you he will learn fast.
Jonathan: Okay gentlemen, I will get General Buhari to consult for me, so that I can interpret your codes.
Babangida: He knows the code language very well.
Obasanjo: Too well to be part of PDP. He will unravel all our antics.
Jonathan: I see. Anyway, have a good night Your Excellencies.
Babangida: Good night Mr. President.
Obasanjo: Good night Mr. President.
The drama started when President Jonathan asked his protocol officer to put on his schedule “code session with General Buhari in Daura.” Every body was confused what it was all about, and they were scrambling to figure it out, when one of the aides stumbled on the transcript and leaked it.